Water

What is it about water that soothes us, lulls us to peace? I would like to believe that in the beginning of our existence, as our mother’s bodies worked overtime to create every cell needed to sustain and support our lives, we felt completely comfortable and at ease surrounded by the amniotic fluid. It protected us, kept us safe. So is it surprising that even as we grow we still crave that protection?

Water. It’s the first thing I thought of when asked what I wanted. What would you like to do Mary, is there anything we can do for you?

I want to lie in a pool, I said. I want to lie in the middle of a pool.

Perhaps it was the thought of being weightless, not having this pressure that was slowly enveloping me. I wanted to feel light, and protected by the water.

How are you expected to process this type of news?

When Shiloh first asked me to get Micah on the phone with me, I thought nothing of the uneasiness in his voice. When he told me if anyone was at the house that I needed to ask them to leave, I wondered if we were in trouble some how. How this is possible considering he lives 800 miles away, who knows.

There was an accident. A tree fell. Little Mollie was gone, dad and others in the hospital. Mom is gone guys. She is gone. The tree killed her. It crushed her.

 It crushed my mom and she is gone.  I am alone.

I felt the walls come close, I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me. My brother stood by the island in the kitchen with his hand over his mouth. And I swore. I swore so loud and so long. My voice was rough, my throat hurt, but I didn’t stop. Micah stood silent, his shoulders hunched over, looking at the floor. His hand never left his mouth, he just stood, whimpering.

How dare you. I already experienced the agonizing pain of watching my son carried away from me. The one man that was supposed to always think me beautiful, left me.

 

I gave up my son, I lost the man I loved, and now you are going to take her from me too? Fuck you, and fuck this life.

Phone calls were made. I fought it. I threw punches in the air; I felt the house pressing down on me. Aimlessly I wandered thru the home. The home she had created for us. I wandered, found my brother curled up in a ball in one of the guest rooms, and I quietly pulled open the covers and climbed in beside him.

I didn’t dream that night. And when I woke, they were sitting around the table discussing how to get us to Utah. The country club left breakfast, untouched. I walked in, they looked up.

What would you like to do Mary? Is there anything we can do for you?